You’ll never be short on advice on how to have the perfect wedding, but rarely will you find advice on how to be a perfect wedding guest. So why not offer some dos and don’ts of wedding guests. At Weymouth Hill, we see so many fabulous wedding guests from the tri-state of Ohio, West Virginia, and Kentucky and many more from far beyond. With four seasons of weddings under our belt we have taken note of some of the best wedding guests and what makes them standout invites.
Coincidentally, the movie Wedding Crashers comes to mind. Although they were the worst of guests, the two lead characters attended fabulous weddings they weren’t invited just to meet women. What was of note was how engaged they were at the weddings, sometimes being the life of the party. Of course, this was part of meeting women, but no one really questioned their vague explanations as to their association with the couple, in large part because they were so much fun! Even though it’s a fictitious story, it’s quite plausible.
Let’s start by stating the obvious. Weddings are fun and celebratory. Most of this goes without saying, but it’s always nice to have a fresh reminder of how you should behave as a wedding guest.
RSVP…RSVP and RSVP You’ll never really get the importance of this until you have your own or help plan another person’s wedding. What you aren’t considering is expense the couple is paying per person for many of their wedding items, including bar and catering. What’s more, their cake, dancefloor, party favors, dinner linens, tables, and chairs have all been sized and accounted on you saying you will or won’t be there. How disappointing to tell someone you are coming, to not come when they could have invited someone else on their shortlist. Please, don’t use the excuse no one RSVPs anymore. For an event as important and costly as a wedding, it should be top of your list for being a “good wedding guest.”
Show up dressed like it’s a special occasion! My favorite thing to do is greet guests and compliment those who you can tell put some serious thought into their attire. After all, a wedding is festive and how much fun when the guests dress like they are attending something special. Along these lines, it’s fair to note some weddings will offer a dress code and it’s best to follow while also considering your own comfort by bringing a light jacket if outdoors or backup shoes as not all wedding surfaces are appropriate for stilettos. Also prepare for the weather with those outdoor weddings. All in all the couple will appreciate you bringing your best forward in style.
Be Engaging! Refer back to Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers. The two characters certainly weren’t wallflowers. They were out to have a good time. Because they were wedding crashers, they didn’t know anyone at any of these weddings, yet they managed to mingle with all the guests.
Put on your dance shoes. Couples pay good money for the entertainment. They do get disappointed when people are slow to dance. Be a leader if you sense it’s a little slow, get up and get things started. You will be amazed who will follow. Dancing releases endorphins and is just fun to cut loose.
Drink responsibly. Of course, if you’re following the rules of attending to have fun, make a game plan for also being responsible. If you plan to drink alcohol and the couple has open bar, make sure you have eaten prior and hydrate and take a spacer drink if needed. At Weymouth Hill, we supply a water decanter right next to the bar so no one is short on drinking water when needed. Also, make sure you’ve planned for a safe ride home as Uber and Lyfts aren’t always reliable sources in every area. Don’t hesitate to ask the venue what the best safe ride options are from their venue.
UH OH…I broke or damaged something. Of course, accidents do happen. However, many guests may not realize that a caterer’s broken glass could be charged to the couple’s account. Or a DJ’s speaker that got blitzed by champagne could circle back to the couple. The best wedding guests own up to something they may have damaged or let the appropriate owner know, whether it’s a vendor or another guest’s car in the parking lot. In my career as a venue owner, I was entirely thankful when a guest told me they broke something, such as a chair, as these things affect our inventory and can put us in a spot with our next event if we don’t know. In many cases, our property manager has repaired a damaged item without any monetary compensation. It is good practice to take responsibility and not leave those damages to be discovered later and potentially come back to haunt the couple.
Compliment the splendor of the evening. This seems like it goes without saying, but consider the couple has planned this evening for months, maybe even over a year. They have thought of every detail, and nothing brings them more joy than your presence and knowing how much you enjoyed it. That said, letting them know what you especially enjoyed is even more to his or her delight. Brides especially like to know that you liked the petit fours on your place setting or the fact the couple hired a Latin dance instructor for their reception. Yes, we’ve seen some intentional approaches from our ever-thoughtful Weymouth Hill couples to surprise their guests creating an ultimate experience for all.
Don’t be a Debbie Downer. This may be sensitive for some, but do check your attitude before attending if for any reason you aren’t excited about the union. A wedding is a joyous occasion, not negative one. If a guest finds him or herself questioning the union or dreading attending, for heaven’s sake leave those negative attitudes at home for the night. If you feel that strongly against the union, find a reason to send a regret. (Yes, this advice includes, even if you’re family.) Your disapproval will be hard to mask even if you don’t say a word so if you can’t bring a good attitude, it’s best not to attend.
Stay until the send-off if you can. Aside from elderly guests and those with small children, most guests are in the category they can hang out for the duration of the reception. Don’t eat your cake and run! At Weymouth Hill, there are plenty of quiet spaces from our covered porches to the English Cottage to our garden spaces, to the outdoor firepit to the cabin. If you don’t like loud music and dancing isn’t your thing, find some like-minded guests who would like to join you for a quiet chat. This is always a good chance to catch up with family or a college friend you haven’t seen in years or meet new friends or colleagues of the couple. Couples do get disappointed when guests leave early.
Be Merry for your friend to marry. We’ve talked a lot about being positive and responsible, but your cheer is contagious and sets the mood for the wedding. Sometimes, things do go bump in the night and not as planned for a wedding. These things are so much better accepted if the overall vibe of the crowd is cheerful. A WH wedding this fall stands out as a perfect example of how the guests can shift the mood. Heavy winds, rain, and a fallen tree challenged so much for just a wonderful couple’s day. However, every guest showed up with “let’s party” attitudes, and trust me, it made all the difference. It was as though they knew the rain would not be ideal, but they were going to make up for it by showing up in a big way for the couple with no complaints. It was one of the most electrifying receptions and a testament to the couple and guest’s great attitudes.
With the trend shifting to more intimate weddings and those seriously debating their guest list, think about which of your potential guests will fit this profile of a great wedding guest. A fun, engaging guest list will never disappoint.
