Childhood Dreams of a Fairytale Wedding
When planning a wedding, you may find yourself going back to those initial visions of a fairytale wedding you had in your younger years. I know as a mother, I’ve certainly had visions of my daughter’s wedding day years before either was of marrying age or I conceived of owning a wedding venue myself. Recently, I found myself back on location to where both my husband and I first envisioned one of our daughters’ fairytale weddings. Interestingly, now that I’m a wedding professional, it was amazing how much my perspective had changed on this once-ideal backdrop.
Don’t get me wrong, as I observed not one, but two luxury weddings at this Guilded-age location, it remained just as regal as my mind imagined, but I was fully aware of so much more going on behind the scenes that I could no longer categorize this as the “perfect” wedding space. Let me begin with, destination weddings certainly have their place. They make for stunning wedding photography, a special place to revisit, and great option for those who just want to keep their guest count small and intimate.
Obviously, choosing a wedding location comes down to many variables, of cost, ease, convenience, amenities, personal style, and so much more. However, I know my key selling point would be aesthetic time and time again.
Let me back up and describe the setting of the once-dream wedding location and then I’ll share why it’s no longer my ideal location.
This fairytale setting is a historic hotel with breathtaking live oaks along a scenic river facing west with magical sunsets. It has it all: gorgeous architecture, lush gardens, after-hours entertainment, service staff, and access to top-notch vendors. Every angle is photographable with not a single eyesore to be seen.
As I observed two weddings there this weekend, I found myself making an extensive mental list of all that was not ideal about this setting, even though so picturesque.
The Reality Behind the Magic
- Hotel and resort properties as well as public parks are never fully private to your event. I mentioned I observed the resort weddings, but I wasn’t a wedding guest. Neither were the 100 or so vacationers who walked or rode their bikes past these events, sometimes closer than they should.
- Photo bombing by non-wedding guests – Would the photographer take the time to photoshop the guy in the wife-beater and red shorts out of the background, I wondered.
- Not exclusive – Yes, that’s right, I said I observed weddings. There were at least two large weddings taking place simultaneously, if not a third. Of course, the property was big enough to amply handle more than one wedding, but there’s a bit of allure lost when you are sharing a space on your wedding day, as it is surely noticeable.
- Uncontrolled noise – As I strolled past on the public walk watching a beautiful ceremony take place, I couldn’t help but notice the band was beginning a set at the nearby wharf restaurant. A drum keeping beat and the reverberation of the bass guitar were certainly heard by the guests, not to mention could have thrown off the stringed trio playing for the processional.
- FOMO or distracted guests – While I’m sure most guests were there to see the happy couple and were properly attentive, with so much else going on around the hotel property, I’m sure it’s not uncommon to “lose guests” during lulls, especially when taking wedding photos. After all, that band sounded pretty good. Needless to say, there were plenty of distractions and easy enticements to slip away from the wedding.
- Nickel and Dime – A friend of mine actually looked at this venue for her daughter, and I got the inside scoop on pricing. Let me preface this with it is not uncommon for venues to charge for add-ons because these items are added expense and labor to the venue, therefore, it’s only fair to do so. However, my friend revealed that the venue has pre-hung bistro lights, but there was a charge to turn them on! I’m sure this is what wedding clients refer to as nickel-and-dime pricing.
- Heavy regulations – Being a frequent visitor to this location, I often connect with many wedding professionals who do events here. Because it’s a resort property, the wedding pros have many parameters they must work within. In the name of property preservation, the rental companies cannot stake their tents, and they have a strict window to get them up and taken down or else face a fine. Being an insider, I know that translates to upcharges from the rental companies for having to pay staff weekend pay or overtime. Again, I can assure you the rental company does not absorb those costs; they pass them on to the couple. I’m also confident the rules governing your wedding are double those of a private venue. We do things at our venue all the time that would be HARD NOs at a venue like this.
- Short wedding – This is not to say private venues don’t adhere to timelines like public ones, but public venues sometimes can feel so rushed and on such a strict timeline, it’s as though the event is a blur. My son revealed this after attending a posh wedding at a highly acclaimed hotel in Charleston, South Carolina. One minute he was in this gorgeous ceremony space, the next he was ushered to a rooftop bar when he came back to retrieve something he’d left behind, the space was entirely different. This is likely not a showstopper, but a private venue is a space the couple has the entire day to enjoy and would hardly feel like it was a vapor.
- Inability to choose your vendor team – This is similar to regulations. Bigger properties doing higher volumes of weddings have to scale their vendor lists, many bringing all of it in-house, leaving couples with fewer options from which to choose.
- Expense to your guests –This one needs no explanation. It will cost your guests to travel and pay for lodging at a resort or destination property.
Why Private Wedding Venues Make All the Difference
I’ll conclude by saying destination and resort properties certainly offer great amenities and fun places for guests to visit. They remain a great option for many couples. They will also cost more and come with many uncontrollable factors.
It was most enlightening to observe this space, not only from the perspective of a mother of two possible brides, but with extensive working knowledge of weddings. The once fairytale location would feel to constrained now. Today, I’d choose a private venue with a beautiful aesthetic that has a staff focused on a few high-quality weddings, that offers vendor flexibility, and has many amenities.
Unknowingly, I’ve been creating a space that would be my dream venue all along.
